Burping is a natural bodily function and as a matter of fact, most people burp 7-21 times a day. Although, the illustrious and toothsome AF pouch of air that comes out of our mouth has never got the regard and gratitude it deserves. And, that’s because burping in public is actually gross and is considered as violation of followed customs of etiquette. Even so, I know this one guy from work who doesn’t believe in quintessential social bearings therefore he burps more than he talks. He has this boundless energy (or rather gas) to let it out. I understand the gas wants to escape, but isn’t there a more appropriate way to do it?
At my office work space, this burp-champ sits next to me because we both are working conjointly on an important project and we have to discuss work oft-times ( more often than his burps). Unquestionably, he is indeed a hearty human being but honestly that doesn’t work for me. No matter how good a person you are but burping out loud is not acceptable. Moreover, It’s been almost a year that I am hearkening to his stinky and toxic burps. Since, my frustration level has reached an end point, I decided to pen down my survival story at work.
Imagine, you are sitting down on your chair gawking your laptop to work out something crucial and out of nowhere, all you can hear is outburst of burps from a person next to you. That’s the moment I want to get up and put a sellotape over his cakehole. As it happens, I often say to him that given a chance you will be the first person I would like to kill. Even after all this, he throws a smile at me and nothing changes. In the past, I worked in two companies, but nobody had the temerity to annoy me like this person does.
Ordinary people burp once in a while after having food or drinks, but this guy deliberately lets the burps rip as loud as he can no matter he has eaten or not. His ‘eructation’ comes in countless forms and it reminds you of what he might have had for breakfast/lunch. Every time he burps, in my head I am like here comes the ‘rajma chawal’, there goes ‘paneer butter masala’. Not just that, he also belches when he just had a sip of water, I mean really? Does that happen to everyone or am I the only one stuck with a freak.
Farting and burping have the same objective, but you know what the good thing about fart is? Well, they can sometimes be silent, so if it’s done in public you can blame someone else, but unfortunately burps make that bizarre sound and the blame is on the right person, always. In fact, one day a guy from the other corner of our office came down to him to especially ask him if he was one who burped a few seconds ago. Somebody please tell him it’s been quite a while, I have had enough and I am a human too for god’s sake.
Frustrated and concerned I once inquired regarding the science behind his God speed burps and with a victimized look he blamed his poor stomach for that. But you know what folks, this guy is also a pathological liar as the real culprit lies in his taste buds. This Burpman is obsessed with spicy food that results in mini burp fireworks around my cubicle. And, when he tasted my food for the very first time, he said ‘you eat spice less food, Haina?’ and my answer to that was ‘yeah! that’s why nobody comes up to me confirming my burp timings’. What’s more amusing is when I burp once in a while and he gives me that oh-this-time-it-was-you look. Like seriously, dude?
If anyone reading this has any concern about letting your gas out, please contact this burp-champ who is extraordinary at this. And, if somebody sympathize with me and have a similar story to tell, please share it in the comment section below.